Is it worth it?
Monday, April 18, 2011 at 09:26AM I was sitting at home recently thinking about something and I had this feeling of guilt, and it's an emotion that many of us have. We are guilty over a loved one that has passed away and we never got chance to say goodbye, or we didn't say something that we wanted to say, or it could be that something has happened and there is an issue with a friend.
But guilt is often part of our lives, but I used to think that it was an emotion that wasn't necessary. However now as I think about it, I realize that like any emotion its there for a reason. We all have guilt over something in life, but it's how we deal with it. It's how we play it and over come it.
As I sit and write I realize that the guilt is there for a reason but it's what we choose to do with it, we can either sit in the feeling and let it eat away at us, or we can do something about it and face the issue that is at hand. Facing things will help us move forward in life. The more we bury our head in the sand, the deeper the feelings run and when it does want to come out it can explode and be actually really negative.
So think about the guilt and deal with it. Speak to the person, deal with the situation and face things. If you feel guilty about not saying goodbye to a loved one or for a situation that you can not deal with, because of the person has left the earth plane or there is no way of contacting them, then you have to do something about it.
Here's my suggestion, face the issue within yourself. Write a letter to that person and explain why you have this emotion. Then you need to realize that this really is only an emotion that is there and as soon as you deal with it, it will leave. Find within yourself what would make you happy to resolve this situation and if it's worth you feeling like this.
Let me tell you that if the person who you feel guilty over is someone who has passed, they certainly will be watching over you and not wanting you to feel like this. They want you to be happy and also they want you to be moving on in a positive way.
But what you also have to think about, if the shoe was on the other foot would they be feeling guilty, or is this just the person that you are. So stop and think about whether this guilt is really worth all the time and upset.
So something about it, face facts and then move forward and don't give it another thought, we can all do it. But don't forget to face things when they come up and deal with them.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Lots of love
Lisa xx
Reader Comments (28)
Yes, I completely agree! Guilt is prompting something in you--leading you to pay attention to something you have overlooked perhaps. But the whole point is to do something about it once you've figured it out. Proactive living over reactive living when it comes to guilt is a very healthy way to dealing with it...
Thanks, Lisa! :)
Hey there Lisa,
The way I see it is if you live each day, each moment from your heart with good intention, what is there to feel guilty over? If you are living on purpose every day, what do you have to feel guilty over? You will never please everyone in your life whether they are still here or not and that is just the hard facts. Also, it is not up us to make others happy. Yes, you can guide or plant a seed of hope, but ultimately it is up to them and them only.
The other thing is sometimes people demand so much from us that they become spoiled and selfish and try to manipulate us by inducing guilt when they do not get their way. Grrrrrr... I am on to that as well... not impressed by those games and have flat out said to a few that they should 'stop their childish bullshit and be straight with me'. My soul is too old for games and nonsense. ha ha I know I must sound cold, but I just like to cut through all the bullshit in life. It comes down to doing your best and if that is not good enough... OH WELL! :) Love yourself and others will love you for who you are. You are light!
Don't know why all of that came out... but it did. ha ha
Hugs,
DS
Lisa, I love your show! This post is so timely too - I was very close to my grandmother and I've felt guilty about leaving her hospital room while she slept for years now. I knew I should stay and say goodbye but I just didn't trust myself not to break down if I stayed. You're right, she wouldn't want me to feel badly at all, she was my biggest champion.
Thank you for sharing your gift!
Hmmm... Who, better than you, to know that even if someone has passed on, it is never too late to tell them what you want to say? You know this well, as whomever has passed will always hear you. And, that they won't have the need to manipulate with the ways of the human mind. No need for guilt, in Otherwhere, when one is in the original state of being & knowing. All that is missing is their immediate, humanoid reaction to what we have to say. But, all is heard. Everything is connected, & transferred, through Source.
Guilt is a human teacher. Guilt is the result of the human conscience telling you that you have done something 'wrong' or that you've left something undone, that should not have been. Nobody can really 'guilt' us, unless our unique conscience agrees that a 'wrong', by our own definition, has been done. The 'wrongs' have been programmed, by self & by others.
My teabag tab, this morning, was the old adage about procrastination, & putting off til tomorrow. And, I thought, 'I'm in big trouble since I put everything off.' And then, I let it go & went my way. Sometimes, I have to pay for my delays, & sometimes, I don't. I know that my shortcomings are part of being human. I can't be perfect, or be everything to everyone.
If your sense of 'guilt' is about someone still living as a human, then there is always that chance to rectify, though the original moment has passed. The guilt may not be worth anything, or the enactment of it does no good, but there are always ways to try to set things right, if the love is to survive. And, if the person loves you, they will accept whatever way you can show them love. Open arms, open heart, just as you can be with those beyond. They know the corners of your Soul. Living people can, too, if you are willing to show them. All is forgiveness, form Otherwhere. Forgiveness is essential, on this plane, too. It's never too late.
So, empty your heart to those beyond. They will listen & accept. You KNOW this.
The ones here (most), have no instant capacity to know what is in your heart, but you must be willing to try to tell them. Search yourself, then say/do what you believe should be done, to salve yourself, & those you believe yourself to have wronged by intent, or omission. By all means, forgive yourself. You are not supposed to be perfect in this life. It's a stepping stone, on the way to perfection.... <3 <3 <3 xox
Thank you Lisa, I may have to frame this:) I think this will help me with my concern in my last blog(well your last blog and my comment about the Review part of heaven). I think it's good to write a letter, in my case the people are on the earth but I feel like the issues will open up many more things and I don't know if we can handle it so just writing the letter, finding out what I need and if the shoe was changed is a very good tangible thing to help clear my head. Thank You! Coll
Guilt can be a terrible thing in my line of work I assist people in end of life being a nurse. Not only do we have to think of the patient but their family and in that I like to say that mum/dad although unconscious they can still here you. Tell them anything you may want. I have seen guilt eat wools up because they did not want there parent placed in a nursing home.
I to have suffered the guilt game in dealing with my dad and saying good bye. I now go and talk to him in my special place when I need too. After dealing with this guilt I try to address issues when they rise so should I loss another I can let them go riveter peaceful place and know I have told them what I needed too.
Lisa you are a wise woman.
Thank you for your blogs, you help people everyday with your amazing insight, guilt is an emotion that we all have at some stage but it is what you do with this that makes the difference. If you dwell on your guilt and stress and make yourself sick then it is a useless negative emotion, whereas if you utilise this emotion, assess why you feel guilty and address the issue you will be much better of, write a letter to the person you are feeling guilty about, even if they are not here they will know....Lisa, much love to you and believe that you help people like me everyday......
When you feel guilt, you can only do so much....meet someone halfway.....perhaps by saying (and truly meaning it): "I'm sorry." If the other person does not accept your message, move on. What else can you do? You can only say you are sorry. You cannot undo a single act or take back a single word.......Don't let the emotion of "gulit" consume you......
You are a beautiful person and should spread your wings and fly.....I hope you always have the time of your life....over and over and over.....with no lingering guilt......
Not much I can say other than perhaps I really needed to hear you voice your opinion on guilt. It sounds like good advice that I will try to take. Thank you! Your wisdom helps! -TMB
The burden of my guilt is only balanced by the burden of my sense of injustice; with this in mind I feel I've been given a terrific gift, both emotions, seperate and together, have been great tools in my Journey. Forgiving and asking forgiveness is now a daily occurrence and very freeing. Add Gratitude for Everything and you have the keys to joy and peace; let the fun times begin and stay no matter what lesson's come my way
Dear Lisa Williams,
My name is Ashley and I'm 17 years old. When i was 10 i lost my mother to cancer, and this past year I lost my sister, the reason still unknown. Everyday guilt eats away at me for both of them passing. With my mom I feel as if I didn't do enough to help her, and didn't show my love. She was sick my whole life, so I never really knew the real her leading to more guilt. With my sister, she was 29 and very troubled. She was dealing with some things, and we had lost touch over the years after she moved out. A few days before she passed, she called me and said she was going to kill herself. I didn't take what she said into consideration because I just didn't think anything of it, and we hadn't been on the greatest terms. I still don't know what really happened due to my family being broken. It's hard to be a teen with all these emotions, and although I'm a strong girl each day gets harder. I recently came across your show and was amazed, and was wondering if you could help me in any way. Thank you...
- Ashley
hi Lisa ..for me i actually need to probably feel a little guilt because i can b too shallow when it comes to saying yes full knowing that i have no intention of doing it (for good reasons sometimes) an i know im going to get out of the thing before it transpires .and ive gotten too used to this .. by habit and feel no remorse. i realise this is not a real solution its not that i dont like helping people or being availiable but over the years people seem to not accept this answer and keep proding me to do it, underlying un dealt with in me ..feels this is a formof someone tryin to control me so i clam up. say yes and to aliviate any inner stress (real or not) get out of it by sending a text message later on or closer to the time and say i cant go for whatever reason.. so my lesson is staying firm in the actual moment of truth..dont know why i went on this way ..hmmm doesnt matter i know its ok here with you.
Hi Lisa,once again I am listening and still crying over my mum's death,,You just seem to make everything ok and I thankyou for it,,feeling guilty leaving Uk and family to go to Australia for 20 plus years and my Mum passes christmas Day,,the best day of the year,,Guilty yes for not spending the last 20 plus years with her, but going back nearly every two,, My brother makes me try and feel guilty that I was not there to help,but I was there within 40 hrs of her dealth and did the lot,,,down to what she wore in her last bed,, her 70th birthday outfit,,Guilty sometimes,,,Guilty always No,,, mun know's I was and am there xx
Hi everyone , in response to the guilt ,
Ive come up with this ....
I feel that guilt is to do with our minds that way we have a choice and free will , we can choose to act on or just let the feeling of guilt be there .. Guilt is manipulation Guilt is man made
The thought comes into our heads and then trickles down into our third chakra and thats when we" feel "it and we have choice ..
Guilt comes in all shape and forms but its what we do with it
I know im to much in my head and try and interlectualise about to much stuff but ive added even if its a tad controversial :)
Hi Lisa,
sorry is a wonderful word, but it also has to be felt, everyone can feel guilty about something, its how you handle it that matters, I try not to feel guilty about things that I can not change, and if I can change these things then I try and change them. that way guilt doesn't eat at me, I'm not says that it works for everyone but it works for me.
I have just finished your book and I thought it was brilliant,
Tracey
<3
Hi Lisa. I just finished reading your book The Survival of the Soul. It was a beautiful read and I feel that you're a wonderful person doing this for people. It has helped me a lot. I recently lost my Dad and have found it incredibly hard to let him go. I am still finding it difficult and wish I could go back in time to the last day I saw him and change my course and go with the gut feeling I had at that moment. It is still killing me inside and I miss him so much. Anyway, I wish I could tell him how sorry I am. I don't know why I am writing this on your blog, but I just feel like talking to someone and letting it out. I hope you continue to be happy and go well with your wonderful work. All the best xox Shelley
I need your help to find out what happened to my cousin. I need closure please.
Hello Lisa, Im textin to see if you would ever be in New Jersy at all? The reason y is cause im a single mother and i have 4 kids and i cant afford tickets to get to CA. I wish i had the money but i just got laid off 1 year ago and i have been looking but every where i apply i have to much experience and i cant find a job. So if there is any way you can email me where else u go if you travel thank you so much.
Dear Lisa,
I appreciate your thoughts on guilt. It's something I have been walking around with for 22 years. I hurt someone I cared a great deal about 22 years ago and would love to face that person and apologize. He is still alive but I have no idea how to find him. I think about him everyday and have never been able to forgive myself. I have tried but even as I write I cant help but tear up. I wish there was an easy answer, a quick fix or button I could press to make it go away.
Oh well, thanks for listening.
Mayra
Lisa j'ai besoin de tes conseils :'(
Hi, I am feeling an enormous amount of guilt concerning my husband's death. I feel I am the reason he is gone and his children are suffering for it. How can I get beyond this guilt so I can continue to be strong for my children?
What an awesome blog. Lots of insight. Thank you so much for this And thank you for the book. . . I am really liking it. It is taking me awhile to read as I seem to want to absorb every chapter. You are so special. . . Thank you. . . . light & love to you and yours
What an awesome blog. Lots of insight. Thank you so much for this And thank you for the book. . . I am really liking it. It is taking me awhile to read as I seem to want to absorb every chapter. You are so special. . . Thank you. . . . light & love to you and yours
Hi Lisa
I am new to this site and am eagerly awaiting your latest book to be delivered. I'm also hoping to get to your show when you come to Australia. What a wonderful insight into guilt it can be such a negative emotion and one that can destroy us if we don't handle it well. Thank you!
Glynis