Fantastic Day!
Saturday, March 14, 2009 at 10:12PM I would like to say thank you to everyone who has commented on my last blog. It was written from the heart and all though I have had a few emails telling me that they were disappointed with my views and that I was the bitter person, it really wasn't written with that intent.
My views and feelings towards my Nan haven't changed but what it's made me do is open my eyes to what she is really like... and also it's made me understand that she has been like that all my life and that changing now is not going to happen... because she is too old, and actually can't see herself in the way others do.
I do know that many people have been in my situation, and I know it's hard, but you have to hang on in there and get through it.
I know my Nan is old and worried about what is to come next, and of course she is scared, but actually that hasn't changed how she is, and how she has been all her life.
Like I said, I have matured and that is the best thing as I can see things with open eyes.
Well today, Jonesy and I had a girlie day at the hairdressers... if you are on my facebook page we loaded a picture of the both of us, with foils on our head, looking rather attractive!! lol I will have to post the 'after' picture of my new hair for you!
Before we left, Charlie woke up with a stiff neck, and cried because it hurt him, bless him and we massaged and put a heat pad on and tried everything, and eventually it relaxed a little... Kev and I both looked after him, and I had to leave for my appointment, he spent time with Mike and Kev.
When I got home he looked well and I asked him how his neck was, and he said, "It's good mommy, but my head is crooked" lol he was holding his head to the side to stop the pain.
We sat and played and had fun. It was just so nice to spend time with him and catch up and have some mommy and me time. He said the nicest thing. I asked him if I could do anything for him and he said, you already have... "You are the best mommy in the world" OMG I could have cried there and then, and then he said "I have the best mommy and daddy in the world, you both look after me" And then he told Kev the same thing... it was the best feeling ever, and I am sure Kev walked away from us with tears in his eyes.
so it's been a day of catching up with Charlie, Kev and my friends. It's been just lovely. We are now all chilling and chatting with Nykki and Eric. Mike and Jonesy have gone to bed, we are sitting in the dining room/living room relaxing, with Lucy next to me.
It's been fantastic. I am counting down the days, until Australia! 2 days to go!!! Whoohoo!!
Big Hugs
Lisa xxx
Reader Comments (42)
It is very cathartic and relaxing to chill here at casa da Lisa
Lisa I know I get the wrath as well when people hear my view on my mother. Yes it would be nice if there was a perfect world where people do not hurt other people and we all just held hands and got along. We all know that is not how it is. Everyone is intitled to there own feelings and I am sure everyone has views that other people do not agree with but should not judge people because of the way they feel or their opinion. I know it is a hard choice to say and feel the things you said but unless people walk in those same shoes it is hard for people to understand. Love to ya girl. Have a safe trip and have a blast
Lynn
Hi Lisa
Please send our best well wishes to your Nan and when you see her again giver her a big hug.
About Charlie having a stiff neck my Grandad always used to say to me Hey Mo come here and I will tell you how to fix a stiff neck,get a Pork Chop rub it on your neck and then go bury it in the back garden and when the chop rots in the garden your stiff neck will go away!!I was about Charlies age at the time not realising it took a a few days for the chop to rot and about the same for a stiff neck sometimes LOL!!
Glad also you are getting some quality time with your family and I adore what he said that he loved you both it was so sincere and spontaneous!!Bless his cotton socks!!
I am counting the days too when you come to Sydney as I will be going to your first show WHOOPEE!! with my husband and daughter.Just to see you in person will be a dream come true!!
Buon Viaggio & Hugz
Maureenxx
<3
=)
Lisa,
I did not comment on your post of 3/13. Know that you are not alone. Most of us have found ourselves with a loved one or close friend exhibiting the same actions & playing on our emotions that Nan is now doing to you & your family. It makes it so hard to be the kind of son, daughter, grand-daughter,friend etc that we have been, want to be, should be, when we are spoken to in a not so nice manner, or made to feel we are doing anything but the best for our loved ones. I wish I could say it gets better,but... only time will tell, especially if the person has always been one to manipulate others and situations. Bless you & your family for the love & support given to Nan, despite these difficulties. No one can fault you for your feelings and being honest about them, if only we could all express ourselves as well as you have, it might well make for better relationships.
One a lighter note, you are home again, and getting ready for your trip to Oz, fun times with Charlie & Kev, then your wonderful tour. I know your family in Australia is waiting excitedly to see you. Have a wonderful time. Safe flight. See you soon.
Blessings
Bonnie
PS Take lots of pics while your away so we can see our Aussie Family!!
Children make it all worth it, they always seem to make you feel so much better. Bless Charlie. Hope his "stiff neck is better before you have to fly.
It's late, forgot to finish my earlier post (LOL)
Blessings Again
Bonnie
I read your entry yesterday and i thought how brave you were for being able to be honest and telling the world how you felt. I think its important to be able to know how you truly feel about someone or something and not hide and be in denile. In my view anyway, it was a fantastic blog. :) Sending postive thoughts and healing to your Nan. Charlie seems so adoreable, and no doubt has one of the best mummies in the world. (Me, being the other best mummy to my son. hehe).
I can not wait to see you here in Melb, Australia. Whoo hoo...
Safe travels mate.
Much love, and big hugs.
What a wonderful day all round...you are blessed with loving familyand surrounded my beautiful friends...Love the hair...hehe...
Just knowing you are here in my country, is a wonderful feeling...I will still feel a part of it all...just hearing the excitement and stories our friends will have to tell...means so much to me...
Love Sharon xoxo
Awwwwww Lisa, I smiled reading about Charlie and what he said to you, I know how much that touched your heart. Charlie is right, he truly does have the best parents and he is smart enuff to realize and appreciate that, bless his little heart. Those Mommy moments are just so very beautiful and we treasure them.
I am holding Nan in my heart, I know this isn't a easy road to travel for her and no doubt she is feeling scared, thus the bitterness. I urge you to continue to lavish her with love and affection. It can't be easy being elderly and having to depend on others for your care, I think that is where the bitterness starts. I totally regret all the times I was impatient with my Gram and didn't fully understand her moods either. Now that it is too late, I do understand and would give most anything to go back in time and do things differently.
Lots of Love
Lori aka missmyangelson
Lisa, i know you're above negative comments..And i know you are open to everyones opinions..But you know, i'll be honest here and say, sure, people are entitled to their opinions, aren't we all, but in this situation regarding your nan, one has to actually experience it, to know what it's really like? I would say, 99.9 % of the people who go through it, would feel exactly the same way? I guess these very few others, have never been grasping at straws trying to find rhyme or reason as to how to deal with people like your nan, and my nan, for example? Hmmmm....
Now, poor little Charlie's neck..Ouch!! Love to you sweet heart...What a special bond you and Kev have with Charlie..Wow, lots of love all round!!!
Will see you all soon in Aussie land..Have a safe and fun trip..It's a long one..!!Charlie will need to bring some books or Hand held games for this one..Just a tip...Love StaceXX
Hi Lisa,
You are not the only one counting down the days until your trip to Australia. I know I will be there, I know you will be there, I just hope my rellies decide to show up and be really pushy at your show. As for comments about your "views and comments about your Nan" ...honesty is a rare commodity these days...keep it real Mate, even if it puts some peoples noses out of joint. You're only human!
Cheers,
Colleen
P.S. Hope Charlie's neck is 100% again
Hey Lisa,
It is unfortunate that you have to deal with e-mails telling you that your the bitter one. You know until someone walks in your shoes, they really should not jump to conclusions. Are we back in the 1950's when everything was hush hush? Give me a break! Lisa, you keep expressing yourself and never apologize because silence = death!
You and Kev must have melted when Charlie said this. That is so sweet and heartwarming.
Have a beautiful day!
Lots of Hugs,
DS
Charlie just gave you the best present ever. Treasure his words and keep them in your heart forever.
peace....deb t/illinois
Lisa!! I'm excited for you to come to Australia too! I didn't manage to get tickets to your show before they sold out, but I'm hoping and wishing that I see you in the streets of Sydney so I can meet you. It's my birthday on April 2nd and seeing you would totally make my day!! So get out and about - I know it';s fate if I run into you! I've been sending all my positive thoughts to you all the way over to you :)
Hi Lisa,
Charlie is the sweetest young man!! I had a tear in my eye. I hope his neck is better today.
Ahhh, Oz is waiting, 2 more days! Have a wonderful time on the other side of the earth!! I can't wait to see the pictures - please post a ton for us.
Cheerios, Kristina :)
Hi Lisa,
Guilty as charged!! I was one of those who mis-interpreted your blog and the bitterness factor. I don't know how that happened, because it was just the opposite of what you said. Anyway, it is a difficult time for you and for your family. New feelings and revelations come about in these hard times and as we grow and mature.
Glad though, that you were able to have an enjoyable time with Jonesy and getting your hair done. Love the cute picture! Charlie is such a great guy! He is so appreciative of his parents! I think he is quite a remarkable guy! He truly is a reflection of his wonderful parents!
Sorry for the wrong interpretation of your blog; I sincerely apologise!
Have an amazingly fantastic trip to Australia! (don't forget to move around frequently on the plane during that long flight.)
Hugs and love,
Cheryl
PS. You are so nice! Thanks!
Hi Lisa,
I support you a zillin percent in your last blog and this one. I think it is natural that as we grow older and mature from the children we used to be, that we do see things in a more neutral and clearer light. I think as children, we see through rose colored glasses with people we love and cherish. As do they in looking at us as children. When we grow up, take a step back, we see things as they are..the good, the bad and the ugly. It doesn't mean we love those people any less, or they us, it just means we have grown up, matured and are willing to see things from all sides. I know that I saw this type of thing clearer having moved away years ago, then moving back several years later. We all change and yet in some aspects we stay the same. When coming back you expect that things will have remained the same but they never do. Does it mean we don't love our family as much or begrudge them cause things have changed...no, that is what is great about family...we can all have separate opinions, have certain traits and despite that we love each other. I think it is great that you felt comfortable sharing with all of us how you were feeling. I believe many people encounter, at some point in their lives, similar experiences...you were willing to share it where others may not be so willing. Again, you bringing light to a topic that many times is shrouded in darkness.
Big hugs to you and your family. I know this must be such a difficult time for you.
Cindy
Lisa,
What a wonderful blog....I love when kids say them words, and of course NEVER doubt girl, you are a great mum....with everything going on in your life, and then having to be on the road alot for the shows, you cant balance things out better than you already have, and you should be proud. And through it all, we hear it in your blogs how much you miss and love Charlie. No matter where you go, he is NEVER far away from you cause you carry him with you in your heart and mind the way any good parent would. So it doesnt surprise me to much that Charlie would say that, cause we all see it !!! He is amazing for expressing it at his age though, most boys that age are to "cool" to say such things to their mums. lololol.
I am glad you got a girly day out right before your trip with your family... looks like you both had such a blast.
Oh and I want a rock from austraiia when you go..... yep you heard me...lol a rock. (weird but I do collect them wherever I go).
Hugs Girl
Atmoshere
Sorry to be blunt, but I have noticed (not just here) that the word 'bitterness' is thrown about a lot, when our human reactions to things are not all sunshine & roses. We have a whole range of emotions at our disposal, & using them is both therapeutic & are learning experiences. Funny how people will label someone as being 'bitter' when the labelers claim to be non-judgmental. Reality bites, but we can't always hide from it, behind clouds & veils.
I did say that 'negative', infantile behavior is the norm for lots of sick people. Lots of ways to exhibit that kind of behavior. I reserved my comments as to the genesis of your Nan's lifelong behaviors, choosing to look only at her present condition. After all, I have not known much about her until this illness. I have to take your interpretation of her personality/ego at face value, because you do know her, & because I trust you. You now see Nan with mature eyes, & it may not all be nice. The good thing is that, down the road, the happy things will outshine the raw edges.
In many cases, when we are kids, our parents keep us separated from 'realities' they interpret as painful, or that things won't damage us if they remain unknown, or undefined. You looked upon your grandparents as caregivers, playmates, roll models, & loving intimates.
Adult power plays are conducted on a more obscure level, that most children don't recognize at an early age. We all can fall victim, or be drawn into these machinations of family members. How hard for your parents to live the illusion, continuing to take care of your Nan all this time, & now under this kind of duress. Real rock/hard place for them.
As kids, we are stuck there until we grow up, & sometimes far longer out of love & obligation. Physically, blood is thicker than water, but I still have to maintain (as one who finally learned to walk away, toward sanity) that sometimes the families we choose are so much better for us. Etiquette & convention keep us from being open, or from 'revealing' family members. Sometimes suffering silently. False sense of loyalty, driven by the way things are supposed to be. Still sending healing to all, & special hugs to your mom, from one daughter-in-law to another. Love, A&L
Funny how it is so easy for others to point a finger when they have no idea what the situation is/has been guess it goes back to the old "walk a mile in thier shoes". Sorry you had to deal with that.
Glad you are back home and with your famnily.
{{{Hugs}}}
Lisa,
Check your email for "Charlies neck pain"..I have RA and have a cheap but wonderful remedy for you to try.. Make several because they usually end up walking out the door with friends...lololol
Hope it helps!
People are entitled to their own opinions....but, I'm on your side Lisa...all the way!!! I told you my mom acted the same way as your Nan....but has to be multiplied by 100...I feel ya...I'm there w/ ya! Lookin' forward to seeing the new do....hope Charlie is feeling better this morning...bless him! He knows how to melt his mommy's and daddy's heart!! :) Much Love and Big Hugs!! Enjoy playing w/ your DS Lite!!
Lisa,
It's hard for people to know, if they havn't walked in your shoes, they can't/ don't know. I love my family, but we're NOT perfect! noone is! I apprecate you'r honesty, thats wat makes you who you are!
God bless you and yours!
Hi Lisa, omg charlie is such a little ham it brought tears to my eyes too. Lisa on the family blog my grandmother was so much like your nan, in her eyes there were her favorites and their were the ones that couldn't do anything right for her. I can say i was one that she liked, but my poor dad couldn't do anything right for her and i loved them both so much. I never wanted any hard feeling between either one and i didn't want to hear any. I sure hope they have finally worked it all out in the spirit world. Lisa i will keep you all and your nan in my prayers love to all. Connie
Hi Lisa...I felt saying something on here was a better idea on the other site I talk to you with. There's more space! Anyway, about your situation with Nan and your family..no one is perfect and people are people (family or not) we are not always going to be on the same page...so I would say if you are ok with you then that's what matters most. Nan can feel however she feels and your family as well. It sounds like you learned something from the experience so it's all good. Whether people agree or disagree with you is their concern. Just worry about how Lisa feels about this because really that's all you have to worry about!
I loved the picture with your new hairdo. I can see why you and Jonsey are friends. Birds of a feather flock together!! All my friends are twisted in a good way and I'd have it no other way.
Please be safe on your upcoming trip and stay in touch on Twitter...such a great way to keep up with your news.
I'm just doing stuff around the house and watching Kelley as she has come down with a bit of a bug. Then at 740 PM tonight, there is space shuttle launch and by living just 40 miles from Cape Canaveral, I am blessed with getting to watch the launches outside in my backyard. It's so cool!!! Then it's back to the job search.
That's all for me right now..take care agin and as usual..BIG HUGS!!!
Steve