No one can change us, except us!
Monday, December 21, 2009 at 11:07PM Things are starting to wind down for the holidays and it's a great feeling. I have so much to do that I feel a little overwhelmed but such is life, it will all go back to normal in a few days and then we will all wonder what the fuss was about for another year.
You know I was thinking about my life over the last few days, and one thing I have realized is that as a person, my true essence is something I cannot change. Who I am, what makes me tick is something that is me. Yes I can change certain things and learn to deal with things differently but my quirky habits and ways are within me, and its who I am.
I have been thinking about this as there has been so much change in my life over the last 4 months, and starting to look forward and moving ahead with people in my life, I have started to understand that no one can change me, but me... and there are parts that won't change. As my Nan used to say, "I'm too long in the tooth" now.
Some people want to change you, and then you think that you can change others and what you have to realize is that it's not going to happen unless that person wants to change and even then it's probably only their way of thinking. Some habits are hard to break, and often never do.
So with this in mind, why do we try to change people. I have looked so much at this and I do feel that it's because, me especially, want to help people move forward so much that I can give them the tools to change but they have to do it. Some do it and make differences and that makes me very proud and then there are others who don't. I'm still proud of them for trying and making a start though.
I have looked at myself and realized I am who I am, I am not going to change and that I am happy being me. It's taken a while to realize this but no one is ever going to change me and they have to accept me, 'warts an all' as they say!
We are all making changes now, and as the decade comes to a close we look closely at things and heres to a great holiday season and know that what comes your way is supposed to come to help you grow. The universe has a plan and we are often not privy to it... until it happens.
Much love
Lisa xx
Reader Comments (26)
lots of food for thought in the past few blogs...
Happy Holidays and Lots of Love xoxoxo
Lisa -- Thanks for your many words of wisdom. They ring so true to my life write now, along with your previous post. Everything happens in life so that we can live a more full life. Thank you for encouraging me at a point I hope is the lowest I ever have to handle. You are an angel to so many -- Merry Christmas!!
You are brave to go through your changes and keep on smiling. I hope your holidays are everything you wish for... You too Vy~~
Much Love~~ Patti
you dont know . how much this is going to help me and some of my friends right now
you always have something to say right in the moment of my life
thank you so much .i love you eternally
l will drink to that.
Hi Lisa,
You radiate who you are, and people love you! You are always so open about what makes you, you, and the few "warts" you have are far more endearing, than negative. Anyway, we are harder on ourselves than other people are on us, but it is always good to have at least some sort of basic standards to which we strive.
I feel that something has made you question yourself lately, and if that is true; stop! You need not justify who you are! You are a kind hearted, compassionate, loving and concerned person who lives what she believes and doesn't just sit back and hope for things to happen; you actively participate in making a change for the better. Sometimes, in fact, you seem to put others before yourself a bit too much.
Be secure in the fact that you are a good person who may have some superficial short comings (who doesn't?), but nothing to agonise over! You are genuinely loved for who you are! Don't ever let anyone ever make you question yourself!
Take care!
Love and Big Hugs,
Cheryl
Happy, and Healthy Holidays!
Wishing you the Happiest of Holidays. Wonderful post Lisa.. Thank you for sharing your process. It is spiritually uplifting.
I have felt we should only change behaviors we know in our heart are not healthy or in the best interest to becoming the best man or woman possible in life. To change those behaviors and habits that common sense tell us too is goal one. If a person drinking habits lead to risky behavior, nasty and mean interactions with others I would say non negotiable change. If one treats others with careless indignation again good idea to make improvement and change. These negative attitudes and behaviors would be something to change. But if the change others wanted someone to make were based on their own personal views whether they be social, religious or political, then that is a non negotiable for me.
I always show my hand in a relationship. This is who I am. My core, my humor, my passions so if you love me, love me as I am. So many times people fall in love or desire a friendship based on an individuals core values and belief system only wanting to change them later in the relationship to fit YOUR picture in THEIR frame.
There are non negotiable traits, negotiable behaviors; what was it again you liked about me in the first place....????. Many strive to be the best person possible. remembering to embrace growth and healthy change. We should not be expected to change in away we loose ourselves. It is not always easy to remember that like life, change is not an event it is a process. Celebrate this very moment in time, the growth and the challenges overcome..
When we let other people decide what to change in our lives we let them decide who we are and risk loosing the golden ring that belongs to us within. I have felt one must remember it is not those who want us to change that live the consequences of our individual actions it is us who pay. I have always told my kids to have eternal perspective, before you act look at the consequences of that action and ask yourself "is this what I want, is this good for me, is the price worth paying. So make the changes that are right for you and your path. IT is the path of change we choose that is most important, it is our intent and how we handle the process that measures a man or a woman.
Good Peace
Lisa, you are so right. No one can change people but themselves, I think of some of the fun things i want to do, like make a fun video on youtube, or sing, or just dress a funky way, and then don't because of the fear of what others will think, when the only opinion that truly matters is my own. I just need to accept myself for the way I am.
You are such a beautiful person Lisa, with the greatest gift, but the fact that you share that with the world is just amazing!!! but of course I have to admit, I wouldn't mind the world being a little smaller, as I'd have a better chance of crossing your path! but even so, I will keep the energy of that alive, as I would love love love to sit with you, i have family that has passed and a reading would be a Godsend, but honestly a hug from you could be all a person ever needs..
Thanks for being you Lisa!
Have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year 2010!!!
Sincerely -Matt Snow
My lovely Lisa, whoever would want to change YOU, you are so perfect just the way you are, perfectly made by God. Love Pam
And btw we are all ready for another CRUISE!!!!
Dearest Lisa,
I was the last one to post in your previous blog, and because my comments were very pertinent to this topic as well, I will not add much more to it. I think the most important thing we can do as human beings, is to work at being the best of ourselves. I believe we are here to learn lessons and then move on to the next soul phase. What other people do with their lives is totally up to them even although it is sad when they don't realise that they are solely responsible for what they make of their lives and so become victims. No one can give us happiness, it has to come from within and it is something that we have to constantly work at achieving. May we all find the strength to make the most of what we are, and grow in positive ways because that is, after all, what life is all about. It also makes it easier to live with each other knowing we are all doing the best that we can instead of being bogged down by negativity.
Love to all you wonderful people,
Jeanette
Yes Lisa, you are who you are and people love you so much. You are a being of light really. So you are an amazing person. And I'm sure everything you do is for Love.
I also sometimes feel that I want to change friends of mine, it's hard to understand it when you think people follow the wrong track and yet they talk to you but in the end it's the same. The most important is that all this passion to change someone is because of Love. We have to accept others as they are and we have to accept ouself, our defaults as well as our qualities and being aware of our weakest parts in us makes us stronger really.
I send you much love Lisa,
Lise
Hello Lisa,
I do agree that you are what you are and nothing can change it .Each and every individual is unique that´s what it makes this world en interesting place to live in!
In my line of work, it is very interesting for me to observe the way when my customers talk to me and when they sit down to have something to eat or drink as I am working in a food establishment.
A very BIG hug to you + family!!!!
Whatever it may be,
Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS a HAPPIER NEW YEAR 2010!!!
Regards,
W. Teck
Dearest Warty Lisa......I will make sure I wear gloves when shaking your hand. ;) Just kidding, I know it was a saying. Happy Holidays and New Year!
If the reasons for changing are for the better, then that of course is great..But if we feel we have to change for others regarding insignificant things, then i believe that's the other persons problem..Took me years to realise this..Love Stace XXX
Hey there Lisa,
Wow...this is truly like girlie chit chat therapy over coffee or tea. Love it!
After speaking with a dear old friend yesterday, she made me realize that I had changed a lot over the years and for the better. It was nice to hear although I did not necessarily need to hear it. Although I am the same at the core, there were things that definitely needed tweaking and I am sure I can use a lot more tweaking. I work on myself every day and I really don't need someone pressuring me to be someone I am not. Either take me as I am or leave. I still stand by that and it really is the only way.
On the other hand, I will say that there is nothing at all wrong with two people talking and guiding each other with love on our path. It is endearing and I for one appreciate when someone has taken the time to see look inside of me in a caring way. It is equally an honor to be able to do this for others as so many do feel comfortable coming to me for guidance. It is when someone demands that you be something else just to suit their own insecurities. Or they complain and nag you as this wears a person down after a while. Not healthy as I see it.
So, I am who I am as I always say and yes I am quirky, phobic, nutty, and totally imperfect and proud...:). Who the hell wants a perfectly well behaved person with no character anyway. I don't do normal or perfect whether it be in looks, body, personality... how dull eh? If someone wants perfect then get a robot and program it... ha, ha.
So I say to just live, chill, and be the best you can be today as tomorrow you will be even better.
Big Hugs for another great blog,
DS
Stay the Special Person you are Lisa!
Love Julie xx
Change is always good...it's like Feng Shui of the soul !!
For years I made out to be someone I was'nt - for one friend I was this person, for another I was that person - then I got married and became another person. I was never 'me' because I thought 'me' was boring and if you make out to be someone else you never get to know yourself. I divorced my then husband who liked to bring me down all the time, had seven years on my own, married an American guy emigrated to Florida at the age of 42 years old and never looked back since. My wonderful hubby accepts me and loves me for who I am...he actually loves my quirky-ness and encourages me to go forward, especially with my art work when I get dispondent and self critical.
It is all about finding and being comfortable with oneself and not worrying what people think because it really is'nt any of anyone elses business and if they don't like the way you are.....need I say more.
Anyhoodles, Lisa, hope you finished the decorating in your bedroom - I was so happy you liked the poster and I hope it matches the colours you had chosen...
Have a Happy Christmas....and fab new year....
Debbie
Simply loving the Girl we know! A&L
We can each change with time.. What we saw as important 10 years ago might not even be close to the top of the list now. No, we can't change other people, only ourselves. We decide what is important and IF we want to change and the same goes for the people around us. If I decide not to tolerate a behavior in a person that I care about then that is my decision, they will decide if they want to change that behavior and visa versa depending on what is important to you and them at that moment in time.
If we look at ourselves the same way that we look at others than we can step away from the hurt or anger and more clearly use fairness in our decision. All of us are human and all of us make mistakes and that is ok. How would we ever be able to learn if we were all perfect. Sometimes what we perceive as horrible actually can turn out to be a blessing in the long run. It isn't what happens to us, it is how we view and deal with what happens to us. Blessings to all. <3
Hi my love, How true you are . Again another wonderful blog. The only person we should be changing is ourselves.
that is enough work I would think. We should never try to change someone else. If they want to change they will. On their own accord. So leave them alone, unless they ask for your help.
You my dear love, r
A continuation of above. Some how I lost everything that I had written. As I said before you are who you are -so you don't have to change anything about you. And don't forget that, my love. Unless you feel that there are somethings that you feel need to be changed-all for the good I am sure. Only you can do the changing , no one can do it for you. Anyway, my friend. You know all the right things to do for you and I know that you are doing the right thing for you. //so my love, I do hope that you and Charlie have the best holidays ever. My love to both of you and to your mum and dad.
As always I love you,
Mary
Dear Lisa,
I have to just say that I love you EXACTLY as you are. You have made a bigger positive impact on me than any other person. My only complaint is that I cannot get to see more of you. I have to keep watching your TV shows over and over again. I am also working my way through your audios. If you had a workshop here I would be one of the first to sign up.
Hugs, blessings and a whole lot of love,
Jeanette
xxxx
Salute!
Love & Hugs...
Andrea
Straight from your Heart that post Lisa..
You said: ''You know I was thinking about my life over the last few days, and one thing I have realized is that as a person, my true essence is something I cannot change. Who I am, what makes me tick is something that is me.''
I call this your DRIVE.
And we don't have to judge it or making you change some of it..
You live what you have to live...with no regrets..
;0)