We can't change everyone!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 01:03AM I have my mom and dad staying with me for the holidays and it's great, I am so busy this week but after that I can then spend the last week with them which will be lovely. But Dad is doing some odd jobs around the house, like putting up curtains, and mom is helping with Charlie. It's been lovely.
You know I have been thinking a lot about who is in my life, and also in what capacity, and there are some people to are around that I love and that I don't want to change them, and then there are others who... well I would like to tweak... but then there are those that I just don't some things that they say and how they say them.
Now most people would say to the last comment, well don't have them in your life, and in many ways that is easier said than done, and it is in my case. But what you do is you learn to accept them for who they are and for what they are and you have to focus on their good points if you are not ready to step away from them.
What is important is that you have to accept people for who they are. You cannot change them and their ways, unless of course they have asked for help and they are willing to change.
They are who they are and if they haven't changed by now then they won't at all... Of course there are exceptions to every rule but I am talking about people here who need to realise that we are not responsible for others actions but we are responsible for our own and also, we have to accept people for who they are and what they are and if you are not happy it's time that you said, thank you and goodbye!
Hard and as cold as it sounds its something you have to do.. Accept them for who they are and don't moan about it, or walk away... the choice is actually ours...
Much love
Lisa xx
Reader Comments (22)
I agree 100%. We are responsible for our own actions and if we don't agree or want to be around what another person is doing then WE need to walk away. They have to want change and be willing to work at it every moment of their life. We can't do that for them.
Hi Lisa,
I know....it has to be very difficult!
All love and support!
Hugs,
Cheryl
Hello Lisa,
I understand what you say. Months ago, I had to step away from a close friend because I had realised that I was always complaining about her and always criticizing her so... In the end I decided to tell her what I really thought, choosing my words and everything but she didn't undersand so it was over. Too bad but that was for the best for me.
Also, as the year comes to an end, I slowly start to make the point about what I've been through and why some people are in my life or not. You are so right, it's our choice but sometimes this choice is so hard because as always, we have the good memories in mind but things change... I think I understand your case too and I wish you the best Lisa. I am sure you are taking the right decision.
With all my love,
Lise
And you must have been a fly on the wall in my life yesterday....wow.
I said I feel like an onion that is being peeled away, layer by layer, each day, each week, each year....and I am afraid of what will be left.
Sometimes it is easier to walk away, huh? It is just difficult when it's family.
thanks for sharing, Lisa.
Happy Holidays,
peace....deb t/illinois
Lisa, you have said in the past that people come into our lives for a reason or a season, and I agree with that thought completely. When things don't work out with a friendship or relationship no matter how hard we try to make things work, there comes a times that we need to make a decision about whether to continue or end the friendship/relationship. It isn't easy, that is for sure, but in the end after some times passes, we feel better with our decision. Hang in there - you are awesome.
Sue
Hi Lisa,
Maybe we have to question ourselves with this : are we ‘’happy’’ for what we are?
Have a good day,
;0)
DebT... I feel ya! If it makes you feel better, I don't agree with the old adage of blood being thicker than water, though I would wish it to be true. Often, the non-related families we choose, or acquire, can be all the more precious than those with whom we are linked by blood, or marriage, where 'requiring' respect for the bonds is de rigeur.
Blood, or not, sometimes respect has to be earned, & that is a 2-way street. One-sided anything is not usually in one's best interest, when it comes to the heart. We are raised to think that 'family should automatically love & respect you. That is not always reality, because families are made of individuals with their own personalities, quirks (no pun intended), & idiosyncrasies. Each has a mind of his/her own. After 50+ years trudging up the hill, the one thing I am finding hard to work with is continual negativity & nasty temper. One can do things to rearrange frame of mind. It has to be wanted.
We can choose to either build a wall against all the vitriolic splash that occurs, or choose to move on to a better climate, as Lisa suggests. So hard to keep plastering that wall as the constant negativity wears at it, like acid rain. Taking steps in another direction is indeed painful, where love, or familial bonds are in question, but I am beginning to realize that taking those few steps through the quicksand might land you in paradise lost. I am learning that doing for self is not always selfish, though the change is hard. Speaking for self, old dogs can learn new tricks. We really aren't stuck, unless we let ourselves be.
Best to all during this season of praise & thankfulness. "Ch-ch-changes!" (Thanks, David Bowie) Sometimes it's good to "turn & face the stranger" inside, that we bury under all the external stuff heaped on by others, & rearrange our pieces to SHINE! We're worth it! O:-}a
I swear my late husband sends me the message I need when I need it. Something happened this past weekend with his family that truely upset me and this post made me realize that I just need to accept it as it is and move on. Thanks!
What a great blog entry for this time of year, but I guess it is a great message anytime :-)
Sometimes it is so hard to let people go out of our lives but you are right we do have the choice!
I feel so blessed to have found you through a wonderful young lady named Melissa Hevenor at the "I can do it" Tampa. She offered to do a reading for my friend and I. Wow! is all I can say, she would not take any money but I would pay to have a reading from her again! She has truly found her calling!
Thank you for your work!!! Happy Holidays!!!
So well put Lisa and I truly applaud you for your honesty and sharing. It is truly refreshing to hear your candid views on very key topics that so many of us can relate to. Many people sugar coat issues and sweep them under the rug and end up suffering and live a lifetime resenting others and wallowing in misery. I think we all do it to some degree and have these 'pity parties which is okay for a period of time' until we are ready to face the truth. Eventually, you do have to pick your head up out of the sand and deal with situations and people head on. Sometimes it means letting people go of those we love ... either for a period of time or forever. It depends on how important someone is to you and what the issues are. We tend to let our hearts lead and that is so normal as we have invested time in someone we love. However, I truly believe loving is also letting go and allowing others to flourish and find their own soul path. If roads are meant to converge again, they will in divine time but you have to let go and trust. As you said, we can guide and shed light for others, but we cannot be responsible for the outcome. I don't have a problem with someone being different then me, but I do have a problem with disrespect. My patience is rather short for people who continually disrespect me, my family, and my friends. Sometimes people slip up and make mistakes and that is okay as long as it does not repeat over and over. We all screw up and it is important to make room for human error and allow others to slip and fall too. But we also have to know when enough is enough. Also, a relationship of trust requires two people making an effort not just one. All I have to say is relationships can become complicated and each person brings in their own baggage, but when the baggage starts weighing you down, you need to do a self check and make sure this is working for you. When spiritual growth and freedom becomes compromised, you need to step away from the situation in order to see it clearly and objectively.
Love and hugs to you,
DS
And then you have US your adoring extended family Lisa who care for you as if we really know you. Of course we don't know the private Lisa but I for one am grateful for the Lisa who shares with us on this site and now on Hay House Radio each and every Wednesday. I worry at times that you are spreading yourself too thin as everyone wants a piece of Lisa and it is not selfish for you to let go...... As a dear friend of mine says "Let Go.. Let God"
Surrounding you and yours in the white light of love and spirit. <3 Hazel
Oh yes, it's all about choice.
No matter what, there is no right or wrong choice , only lessons and blessings.
Some roads are longer than others so one way or another we get what we need.
(((((((hugs))))))))
Right now I have a home full of family members and children and I am trying to tell myself not to expect them to be as fussy as I am in the home but to love and accept them unconditionally and not to be so criticising. I am especially fussy in the kitchen and find myself wanting to do everything myself and then I am disappointed when they step back from helping me in the kitchen. I then tell myself "Jeanette, stop being so full of nonsense, lower your expectations and love everyone for who they are". I read my "Guidance from your Angels" by Doreen Virtue which tells me to give and receive love with an open heart and accept everyone for who they are and see the beauty within everyone. So, for me right now, my lessons are about not being judgemental and expecting everyone to live according to my values, which I know are impossibly high, and by so doing, I know that the best way to get positive results is to find the good in everyone and praise them for it. I also know that if I have to love myself unconditionally, I have to love others in the same way. This doesn't mean that everyone has to do the same, it just means that at this point in my life this is an important lesson that I need to learn right now so that I can go forward in my own life. It also does not mean that I have to accept everyone blindly, it's just not something that is relevant in my life at the moment.
Hugs and blessings to all you wonderful folk,
Jeanette
Yes the choice is always ours. Let's hope we make the right ones...
With Eggnog *Salute!!*
Love & Hugs,
Andrea
As you say....
sometimes easier said than
done. But as always your
words ring true. There is a time
to walk away.... no matter how
painful it may be.
Great blog! :)
l hear ya. This is something that will continue through out our lives. People come and go and it is up to us to be comfortable enough in ourselves to be able to accept(or try) people for who they are . When l meet people who are rude or ignorant l ask myself how did they get this way. What was their childhood like,what have they experienced in their life to make them this way. There is always a reason for why people are who they are,we are not born racist,rude or ill mannered. we learn from our enviroment . l personally prefer to be in the company of positive and happy people but in saying that l try and be accepting of all. Hugs Racca xoxo
So true, Lisa - we can't control those people, but we can control our reaction and response to them!
And so many times they are here to show us something.... and sometimes we have to step out the room and count to ten!
Ah, I love the Holidays...
And will miss you in Pala... so sorry, Sweetie - that empty seat in the front row is mine. Feel free to stick someone from the cheap seats there.
Lisa -- again, just simply amazed at your timing! You are so right -- and we learn the hard way sometimes. Speaking of myself, of course. Im one of those -- stick with em until.....until, yea. Exactly. I grew up having to please everyone around me, day in & day out. I rebelled after that -- but unfortunately, as an adult, I resorted back to the "wanting everyone to like me" thing. Oh, man. So, now I am who I am. I help who wants help. I try hard to do good in this world -- and when I am challenged on who I AM, I try to remember to love myself....and let the rest follow. (Ok now, I said I "try".) Your blog entry today was exactly what I need to hear -- amazing. Thank you so, so much. xx And I hope the rest of the time with your family -- is lovely & accepting.
Hi Lisa,
Letting people be who they are is hard for me when I'm not in a good place with myself. At times, it's hard enough when I am in a good place...
I have some friends that will ask me one question that helps me. Do I want to be right or Happy?
Take care!
Sending you lots of these Lisa = xoxo
There comes a point where self preservence kicks in... and we have to look out for us....
Blessings xxoo
Hello Lisa,
Lovely blog and post. How do you walk away when you have the strongest feeling inside that things will get better?
Merry Christmas and thank you for all your wisdom and for sharing your gift.